Who doesn’t like a good joke? Today we’ll delve into the realm of tattoo jokes. I have scoured the internet in search of the best tattoo jokes, shortly after starting this search I realized there really aren’t a lot of tattoo jokes. So, I looked a little harder and found some stand up comedians that touch on the taboo subject of tattoos. The standard jokes are below the videos.
|Harland Williams – Tattoos|
|Danielle Koenig – Friend’s Tattoo|
|Ian Bagg – AIDS Test Tattoo|
|Sean Corvelle – Piercings and Tattoos|
Dennis Rodman Shows Off His Tattoos
A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, “Reebok.” She thinks that is a bit odd and asks him about it.
Dennis says, “When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement.” A bit later, his pants are off and she sees “Puma” tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word “AIDS” tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock.
“I’m not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!”
He says, “It’s cool baby. In a minute it’s going to say
Accountant Gets A Tattoo
Tom gets home late one night and his wife, Lisa, says, “Where in the hell have you been?”
Tom replies, “I was out getting a tattoo.”
“A tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,” he said proudly.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disdain. “Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on his privates?”
“Well, one, I like to watch my money grow… Two, once in a while I like to play with my money… Three, I like how money feels in my hand… And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for 2 tattoos. She wanted a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos. She replied ” My husband always complains that there’s nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”
Girl Gets Her Butt Tattooed
There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll. He brought her back to the States and they were very happy.
He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had. Every day it was, “Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.” Every night it was, “Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.”
Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said, “Beautiful Butt.”
So she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says, “There is no way I can get “Beautiful Butt” on your tiny little beautiful butt.” But I can put a nice “B” on each cheek which will stand for “Beautiful Butt.”
A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B’s.
Well the big day arrives and after a candle light dinner, gifts, and a sip of brandy, she appears in the bedroom in her birthday suit, turns around and bends over.
Quickly sitting up he exclaims, “Darling I love you, but who is BoB?”
Tattooed Girl Walks Into ER
A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered.
This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.
It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: ‘keep off the grass.’
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”
Do you have a joke not on the list? Add it to the comments section below so we can all have a good laugh.